The Answer to Mom Stress: Mom Time Out
The morning I left, I needed a "Mom Time Out."
On this particular day, I left my kids behind. As I drove away in the dark to the airport, I gave myself a huge pat on the back for doing it. Before anyone reading this panics or calls child protective services, I did not leave them alone and I did not leave them forever. The kids were safe and sound with my husband who was on ,"Daddy Duty" for the weekend.
The resistance was strong! My three year old daughter spread herself out at the entrance to the garage in protest. She was willing to sacrifice herself for the cause. My seven year old son asked several questions as I attempted to exit choosing to deploy a different stall tactic. They collectively tried every strategy known to young children, crying, songs, tying up my legs with their arms to stop me from this weekend away.
However I still left.
You can read many studies that show an increase in depression among mothers of preschoolers and toddlers. Among those whose children have chronic health issues or behavioral problems, the rates are higher. All mothers of young children are stretched thin at various points. There are often few breaks for both stay at home mothers, and those who work outside the home. Each day repeats a similar cycle filled with check list items to complete. We want our kids to be healthy, happy, smart, wonderful humans. However this pressure and constant high level of performance is a recipe for burnout.
We all need a, "Mom Time Out".
In the car I turned on some music, setting the tone for the early morning. See, this was my very first trip in any significant amount of time without my children. This trip was a real break, not a conference for work, not a project meeting, but finally some time for me to relax with other moms. Something I almost never did, certainly not for more than a day.
I even left my husband behind. He is typically my travel partner and definitely one of my favorite people in the world to spend time with. However, on that particular weekend I left him behind as well. Unlike the kids, he cheered me on, offered distractions to redirect our children, sent encouraging signals for me to escape and not look back. He reminded me with these sweet attempts why I love him. We are in this together.
The kids wanted to know why?
Why are you leaving us?
Are you going to work mommy?
You mean you're just going to have fun with your friends?
The last question came out of my son's mouth in pure shock. My children were in utter disbelief that I could do that, go and have a weekend of fun with my own friends--without them.
That's when it really hit me. I had been doing this all wrong all along. I love my kids. I love the excitement of being their mom. We spend mornings singing on the way to school. In the afternoon I get to cheer them on at soccer and ballet. I truly love the organized chaos of motherhood-- I embrace it challenges and all. I have a level of dedication to raising my children that many mothers out there have. We do it with love and push past the fatigue.
Every now and then we must remember to deliberately make time for ourselves. Our kids need to know the world does not revolve around them. Not because we want to crush their young egos but, it's a healthy balance. If you can not do it for your kids, do it for yourself. Mothers we deserve time to ourselves, without explanation for all the things we do in a typical day.
As I sat on the plane and plugged in my headphones, I watched another mother coordinating her children's seats and snacks for the flight. I took in a deep breath of relief. I closed my eyes, exhaled, and realized I could actually fall asleep this time. Every mother needs a break, every mother needs a, "Mom Time Out".
So put that in your planner for the next 2 months if you can. It will help you relate better to your children who need all the patience we have!
c. Dr. Virgil, MD "The Mommy Doc"
image credit: typorama